In the beginning...

Welcome to Mediabollocks, mediaboy’s Canute-style attempt to highlight the dross and the droll, the bad and the ugly, the sheer extraordinary bollocks that infests much of our beloved fourth estate and wider media. mediaboy has a voracious appetite for news and information and consumes vast amounts of unhealthy slop served up by journalists, broadcasters, reporters and even TV chefs. No more! mediaboy hereby outlines a five point plan, manifesto, call it what you will, to let those precious pen pushers, keyboard tappers, microphone-holding arbiters of taste and guardians of truth know that it’s time to sharpen those pencils, pull up those socks and raise the bar a little:

1) mediaboy will wage war against poor journalistic standards wherever they occur: in print; online; through the radio; or on the gogglebox.
2) The end is nigh for the cliché. mediaboy wants it stamped out. For good.
3) More imagination, less lazy writing and reporting. People, exercise your brains.
4) Say no to political bollocks. And to poor reporting of political bollocks. And to inappropriate arse kissing and back stabbing. Ditto sports bollocks and its hype and many bandwagons.
5) Celebrity does not equal achievement and does not merit little attention.

Last week was a bad week for mediabollocks. mediaboy was overwhelmed by the hype surrounding THE RETURN OF NEWS AT TEN, THE RETURN OF THE MESSIAH, sorry, KEVIN KEEGAN, THE DEATH OF VERA DUCKWORTH, COOK ALONG WITH GORDON RAMSAY and on a more serious note some of the interviewing of Kenny Richey. ITV went mental on the News at Ten, letting us know just how much we loved and missed old Sir Trevor and his big bongs. mediaboy doesn’t know what he expected, but he didn’t expect, after all that shouting and breast beating, an ‘exclusive’ interview with a doctor who may, or may not, have been the love of DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES’ life. Christ, after all that, News at Ten is the Daily Express. The headlines, the hype, the sheer exuberance of the whole media world at the return of Kevin Keegan were something wonderful to behold. mediaboy has a longstanding love of KK going back to his days as a Liverpool player, but mediaboy is completely atheistic with regard to KK’s messianic qualities. And guess what? Who gives a monkey’s? mediaboy would not care to comment on the irony of the North East of England barely existing to our beloved metropolitan media until a suitably hype-able story occurs in an otherwise slow week. mediaboy would also not care to comment on the inevitability of the result of KK’s first game. Back on TV, ITV also went big on Liz Dawn’s fatal retirement from mediaboy’s favourite TV institution. Indeed, mediaboy takes no issue with Vera’s exit; wonderfully cringe worthy as it was. Turn instead to the review of said programme in the following day’s Guardian, where the actor playing poor old Vera’s husband was not afforded any editorial glance (Bill Tarbey anyone?) and an old song known and loved by many of our grandparents was hilariously referred to as I Will Take You Home Eileen. No doubt the editors were out of the office, dancing away at a leaving party to Come on Kathleen. On the same night, the death of Channel 4 as a broadcaster to be taken seriously was brought closer by Gordon Ramsay’s live cookathon. mediaboy is puzzled and does not understand what is so impressive about swearing within 20 seconds of opening the show. No matter, the potty mouthed chef kept it up for the whole hour, reaching new depths in an appalling and outrageously offensive exchange with the charming Max Beesley. This part of the show was recorded. How the programme makers justified leaving this in we will never know. Well done C4, bravo! The release of Kenny Ritchie was an occasion to celebrate this week and plenty of news organisations produced some (finally!) top quality reporting dealing with this horrendous story. Have no fear, dear reader, as Radio 5 Live dragged us all back down with a particularly crass interview with Mr Ritchie when he was repeatedly probed on what it was like to be within an hour of execution despite Mr Ritchie’s stating more than once that he knew he was not within an hour of death because his appeal was in process. No point letting the banal truth stand in the way of a much more dramatic image. Imagine that - an interviewer not listening to his or her interviewee.

mediaboy signs off with four words that illustrate why this will not be a solitary dispatch and why standards may not be heading in the right direction any time soon: Piers Morgan on Sandbanks.